2010 NHL Trade Deadline Recap: Electric Buggalo

Not unlike the General Tao Chicken from Pearl Court on Gerrard Street, the 2010 NHL Trade deadline has come and gone with painful results.

For Leafs fans, that is.

In previous years, God’s Team has been active at the trade deadline. Deadline deals bringing in impact players such as Brian Leetch, Ron Francis, Glen Wesley and Phil Housley were once common. And we all know how well those trades worked out!!!!!!!. Wheewwww!!!!!@!@#!#................wait...wat?

Regardless of the end result; those trades were sexy. Megan-Fox-having-trouble-opening-a-pickle-jar-Sexy.

Let me help you with that, my lady

That is not to say that I desire for my GM (Lord Burke) to bring in recognizable players, likely past their prime (a la Owen Nolan). I have no issue with The Leafs trading for unknowns. As long as their surname is not “Finger”.

 

Who?

In this rather unmemorable trade deadline, the Leafs have subtracted:

--Alexei “Little Nikolai” Ponikarovsky

--Lee “Hollow Man” Stempniak

--Joey MacDonald........cough........

--Future Hall of Famer and Leafs legend, “The Pride of Litomerice”, Martin Skoula. (I think I’ll miss Skoula the most) 

--And  a 2010 6^th Round Pick

The new additions, soon to be 'upper-decking' the Leaf's locker-room latrines, are (and are unfortunately limited to):

Some douches named Chris Peluso, Matt Jones and Luca Caputi

--A 2010 4^th Round Pick

--A 2010 5^th Round Pick

--A 2010 7^th Round Pick

--And a 2011 7^th Round Pick

(Note- while Googling who in the hell ‘Matt Jones’ is, the first sport-related response was about the cokehead wide receiver ‘Matt Jones’ from the Jacksonville Jaguars and the second result was a golfer named ‘Matt Jones’. That’s right folks; the Leaf’s ‘Matt Jones’ is third on the depth chart behind two guys who play different sports. FML)

Pardon me Mr. Burke, but our additions don’t exactly get me all “big in the gitch.”

"Gitch"

Lemme preface the coming query by saying that I will watch nearly every game of the rest of the season for three main reasons. 1) I have no religion, 2) I’m an idiot and 3) I am defiantly optimistic, even in the face of inevitable Maple Leaf golf tournaments in April. 

My question is: What reason does a Leafs fan have to watch this team for the rest of the year? 
To watch them play for pride against some palm-tree laden American suburb that has clinched a playoff berth? 
To see if Rikard Wallin can grow a neck-beard? 
To witness the development of Victor Stalberg, Christian Hanson or Jay Rosehill?

Excuse me if I don’t shoot in my pants.

If anyone needs me, I’ll be sulking in the pantry.

And by the pantry, I mean the bar.  
And by the bar, I mean a brothel.

End note-While composing this piece, the spell-check suggested that the spelling of “Leafs” should be changed to “Leaves”.

Even Bill Gates doesn’t believe in us.

                              Hater